My Feelings

Its exactly 22.28 pm here in Paris.
I cant believe its been 2 days since i left home.
I'm so homesick at the moment. The thought of me being away from my family, friends and my boyfriend just makes me wanna cry.
I cant believe that i've actually left. Felt like yesterday i just arrived from malaysia to start a new life in indonesia.
Its only been 2 days and still i cant stop crying.
I miss everyone back home but most of all i miss my boyfriend.
As i left my house that day on the 15th of September, i took another last look at it and think to myself, "this is what i need to do, for me, for my life, my future". In my mind i know im doing something right. But, my heart kept telling me "no dont go, you know you wanna stay here,so stay"
As i arrived at the airport that day, i know i was crazy to leave. I wanted to run away and cry.

At the airport, i look at my mum, my little sister, my family, my boyfriend, i started to weep and i wanted to scream. As i gather my things, i then started to cry, in the arms of my boyfriend who held me close and tell me that everything will be alright. I didnt wanna let go, I just want to hold on to him for a little longer but i knew i had to go.
As I let go, i went to the gate, turned around for 1 last time to look at the people im leaving behind, and went and didn't look back.
On the plane, i started to cry some more, wishing i could jump off that plane and head home.
I couldn't focus during the long 13 hour flight, i couldn't eat, i hardly slept.
Then i arrived here in Paris, about to start my new life without him next to me. I dont know what i'll do without him.
So now im here, alone in my room, thinking what's going to happen tomorrow. Wishing, hoping, dreaming, and crying that tomorrow wont be as bad at the past 2 days. But i know, things will never be the same.

As i lay here alone in my bed, i realize, i have something that will always bring me closer to home. Before i left, my boyfriend gave me something special, something nobody has ever given me before. A book. Not just any book, a special book from a special person, with special meanings in them. A Bible. In it he wrote :



Just reading that, makes me weep and wishing he was here.
My feelings at the moment is totally mixed, a part of me is glad that im in paris but the other half is wishing i was back home where i belong.
But with so many tears i've shed, it wont really change a thing because im still here,
and with all the memories i've had, and the things with me here to keep me sane, i know that i'll be just fine, all i have to do is try and i know i'll be okay even if its going to take me forever to adjust. Still for now all i wanna do is CRY till i fall asleep wishing this is all just another bad dream.